hmm.

What can I say? Middle school is over.

I'm moving on to bigger and better things in life.

Do I even deserve what I have? NO! I honestly don't think I do.

So I'll start making sense now. I basically cannot remember the last time I was actually happy. I think it was Alexis's birthday party. Everyday since then, something has gone wrong. I really wish there was something to look forward to in my life. I getting ready to live in a house full of strangers for a week, and let me tell you. That isn't the best feeling in the world. I'm scared out of my mind to continue on with life honestly. I lost. I've lost where I was going in life. What are my goals, are they even worth going for? Will I ever reach them? Should I just call it quits now? I spilled my heart to someone to just have them step all over it. I made a big mistake, and unfortunately I can't fix it. That promise will never be kept. I have ruined it. It seems that lately, I ruin everything. I have never been so confused in my entire life. I don't know if I should go this way or that way. I don't know anything anymore. I'm losing everything. I'm going to a school were I only know 4 people! I'm wondering if that's such a great idea with my situation right now. Maybe I should have just stayed with Vegas. I'm an idiot! Wtheck am I saying, I should be happy with my decision! Be freaking HAPPY Erica! goshh! Well tomorrow Beau is coming over, I'm packing, get in my Jammie's, and take a nap, wake up at like 3:30 am and change into comfortable clothes, leave at like 4:30 am, go to the airport and my flight leaves at 6:10. It'll give me and my sister to talk, sleep, and play games on my iPod. We then land in Chicago, IL. My aunt will then pick up me and my sister and BAM! I'll be there for a week. Please feel free to text me. I'm going to six flags, and my aunt Moe is holding this HUGE barbecue for me and my sister. I guess that I real grandpa, his wife, my grandma, and step grandpa, my aunt Moe, aunt Kathy, uncle Billy, uncle Kenny, and all of my cousins, and their girlfriends/boyfriends are going. My brother's family. My mom's uncle. Everyone except my aunt Lisa is going, but it's cause she is arguing with the rest of the family about things, I'm not sure. My mom hasn't told me much about it. But just about none of those people deserve the names that they are being given (aunt, uncle, grandpa, cousin) because I don't even know them. I know my grandma and two aunts. THAT'S IT! I'm more than scared to go there. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just me and my sister. I think it will be with most weirdest experience in my life. My mom says that me and my cousin Jason will get along well. She said it would be crazy with both of us living in the same house together (which we will be) so I guess it won't be that bad, right?

Things will never be the same. please don't be suprised if I don't talk to you for a while... I love you.

what is the reasons for things?

here I am, sitting on the porch. watching the waves crash, the dolphins come for air, and boats going out to see, lighting come and go.
honestly, it gets extremely boring.
I'm freezing my butt off, but I'll freeze my butt of inside too, so wtheck?!
I'm dying for adventure.
I want to try something new.
encounter something that will change my life forever.
I want to stop living in my past.
sitting her with my step grandma, listening to her tell me funny things never gets old though.
I cannot wait until, I get into SECTA, step into my first period class, ad make a new friend.
I want to make a future. I NEED to stop living in my past.
I've done things in my life, that I wish I never did. it's called a regret...and that's life everyone has them.
it doesn't matter if I want my teddy bear back.
that's moved on, it was my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid, and every night I think about that in inparticualar regret, and wish I hadn't done it.
but I still have my memories.
I miss that teddy bear, dearly.
but things move on, I know I've said the same things over and over again, but I'm just writing things down as they pop into my head.

now, I have nowhere to go but up, the only thing stopping myself is myself.
I need to work on that, I know.
I gas to learn to control my feelings, not to let them get the best of me.

when I think too much, I get sad and depressed
She. who cares, always calls to reasure me that everything will be okay. she stays and talks to me. makes me feel better.
she is what a true friend is. and a hero. I really don't know where i'd be without her....

but right now, I'm on 'vacation' and I have yet to have loads of fun,
I played with Dani, Becca, and the worms,
I've cut myself with a surfboard.
I don't even have Steve anymore! D: (old surfboard)
and I've been thinking way too much.
and I'll never see Tatiana again. :/
ohh, how I will miss her dearly,<33




tell me when this 'vacation' is over.

Gosh Erica, get a life!

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMFLFMLFMLFMFLFMLFMLFMLFML

I don't even know what is wrong with me.. I should be fine, HAPPY! but i'm not. im the complete opposite. I feel used, by him and him. :/

I never talk to either of them anymore.. ever since I introduced them to each other.

I love the way tears fall from my face as I write. D:

I'm being selfish?

I'm always going back to the same thing, like something will actually happen,

NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN !

I never see him, and when I do, he doens't even talk to me.

I'm just breaking myself down.

I HAVE to get him out of my head. I want to be brainwashed and have no memory of him in that way.

I honestly hate it when im like this, it doesn't work for me. Everyone that tries to help me just gets pushed away.

AND the worst part is, is that im starting to think I should have never done that in the first place.  I'd most likely be happy..

I wish there was someone I could spill my feelings too, but sadly. I can't.

well yeah, i'm not even in the mood for writing anymore...

IM DONE! 

Gosh,  I hate these depressing stories. :d

I can't wait.

OHH MY! is that old or what?!? haha! ----->

this was taken by my mother when I went back to Chicago for easter and for my grandpa's birthday.<3>.

HEY! that fits in with the title and it wasn't even intended to do so! haha, it was just old picture I found. xDD what a coincidence. :D

Now, as I was going to say in the first place.. I can't wait to get out of middle school. I honestly dislike it SO much. I want to start new, let other people into my life. I want to stop staring at the same old faces. I want something NEW! Don't get me wrong, I love the people I have befriended over the past 3 years, but lately I feel like I'm losing them. Things are different now. Everyone has someone else to hang with and talk to. I'm just complaining too much, right?!?

I can't wait for SECTA! :D The fees I have to pay for my junior and senior year are freaking so outrageous! But it is well worth it, I'd end up spending more than 20 thousand dollars than I already will be, so its wayy better! :D

So in algebra we have to make this song thing and its due on May 27? and like we have to take a song and turn it into algebra, like change the words. :D I'm gonna work with Jemmie, and Taime.<3 size="5">HA! xDDD hehe.

haha, I bore you.

happy?

Its odd. Not know what your purpose in life is. Don't you agree?

Lately I have been thinking so negatively.

why is that everything in my life has changed? I have 324545 billion questions to ask myself and I have no idea what they are.

Am I changing? Its amazing how things end up don't you think?

I feel as though I'm missing something. Like I left something undone. I want to go back and fix that. I have an idea of what it is, but I know that when I attempt to sort things out, it'll just make things worse. It's funny how that works.

No matter how badly I want to work things out, and be like how things used to be before any of this, it is nearly impossible...

So many questions are left unanswered and that's how they will remain...for now. I just want things to be like how they were 2 months ago. when we were still friends.

So, Mark Ryden. don't you just love his art work?^^ I find it so amazing. I can relate to everything he creates in some shape, way, or form. I'd marry his art work if I could.

So I have this "nicoteen' thing for school and like it shows you what its like to have an addiction, and apparently.. Im super addicted! I've had FIVE cigarettes today, and its only been active for two and half hours! HAHA.

Soo what else is going on in my life... besides chaos.

I'm still grounded, until the 3rd of June!

So, I've been listening to the same song over and over again. haha.

Ive lost 6 hours and 3 minutes from life and I've spent six dollars and sixty cents on smoking. haha.

Umm lets see, I gauged my ears so a size 4. I skipped sixes. haha. My mom hates them but I like them. Trinity wants them so she can do hers. So as soon as I get my plugs, I'll let her borrow my tappers. I'm not going bigger cause if I do, My mom would kill me. But I am getting more piercings. haha, I love them!

Im waiting for my dad to come and get me, so I can hopefully get a new phone cause mine is breaking. It only works when it wants to. I also just want a new phone cause I don't like mine anymore. I want a full keyboard. haha.

Its 12:45 and I'm still the only one awake in my house.

I'm done.

sorry for the inconvenience

unknown...

so this one is somong from my iPod. :] so there isnt going to be a picture. :P
so today is the first day all year that I actaully finished ALL of my homework! :DD Mark and Kevin will be so proud.
HAHA. watch Mark copy me tomorrow, in English. hehe. xD
so my mom is watching is whatchimg this really odd show on bears and like
they can get up to 12 ft. tall and like 1,500 lbs.! thats a whole lot! pretty disturbing.
so things at scho are starting to get to me. :p I hate it. I can't wait to get out of there next year, but at the same time, I'm a little scared. >:P
So umm, I have a D in algebra currently and I have just 7 weeks to get it up. Its going to be hard for me.
I wanna become a goldfish.



so umm, thats it, for now. :)
sorry for boring you.

life...

is an amazing thing. It really is. It can go from bad to good in a matter of hours. :D

so the picture to the left(?) of this a picture I found interesting in the 'sample pictures' folder in my dad's girlfriends laptop. :P haha.

soo, right now I just got a sudden urge to listen to "I write make sins not tragedies" by panic at the disco. xPP (I just turned it on)

Soo, I guess he wants me to write about how I'm an emotional wreck. The truth is, I'm not a emotional wreck. My life is completely fine, I haven't cried or anything in a while. Also, he really isn't worth my time of day to just go on and on about how mad I am about him. So I'll make it short. : Andrew, I'm done with you. :D

Soo did you know that I am a selfish, competitive, know-it-all, emotional girl? haha, I didn't. xDD

well I knew I was emotional, but not selfish or a know it all? come on! I am litterally the stupidest person alive, Ill admit it. :D

haha, jerk.

soo yeah, umm. I met my grandma, and my aunts this weekend! :D they are super cool. It's amazing how much I actually fit in with my family. They are all soo loopy and funny, haha, my aunt Moe has a million stories that could make you pee your pants! xDDDD

haha, my aunt Kathy spilt her soda all over me and the restaurant. xPP

that was funny and embarrassing. xD its a good thing I was wearing my blue pants or that would've SUCKED! haha. xDD
My grandma gave me a bracket that I have not taken off since I put it on. I love it. <3

so yeahh, uhh, my aunt Moe promised me and my sister that she is going to get me and her out there (Chicago) for summer! :DDDD

I'll be able to meet my whole entire family then! :DDD

Soo, lately I've been thinking a lot, I feel like I'm not satisfied with my life; I need something more. I want... adventure. I don't have enough of it. I want to try something new, something no one has ever done before. Something that will make me happy, happier then ever before. :P

Anyhow, today is the first time my brother has spent the night at his friends house. He called today and asked to stay the night at his friend Kyle's house and my parents said yes, so that's good news. xDD Although, Paris didn't take that very well. hah. He cried. so I'm going to spend time with him today, maybe play some video games? play tag in the backyard? Watch movies? Make him enjoy time without his brother. :DD

I'm going to stay here tonight probably. My family is done with conflict. We are a happy family again, like when we were younger. <33

it makes me happy. :D

I'm a boring person right? xP

ahah, noodles!

ahha, I love that word now, NOODLES! ahha, its just so entertaining for me. xDDD

soo yeah, yesterday was a really fun day. Me, Sai, Cheyenne, Earl, Niko, and this other short guy, ahha. (Christine's mom called him my boyfriend! xDDD) were SOO active. :DD We played volleyball, soccer, catch, red rover, tag. xDDD It was super funn! I was walking to get the ball and like I set it down, and I was about to kick it and like I tripped over the rocks and fell hard on my butt! xPP it was really funny, but Niko didn't even laugh but me, Sai, and Cheyenne were on the floor almost peeing our pants from laughing so hard! xDD then when I got back to the grass, I fell cause I tired to catch the ball again, and like Sammy come and like kicks the ball straight into my face! xDDD then Niko smiled but he didn't laugh even though the rest of us were and like I was like "why aren't you laughing?!?! That was funny!! xDD" and then he said "yeah, but that was really messed up!" xDDDD ahha THENNN..... Sai got hit in the face, and Niko laughed HARD! xDDD, ahha The same when Cheyenne got hit, and then I was like, " ahha, so it isn't funny when I fall, but when we get hit in the FACE you laugh??! xDDD" He started laughing and smiling!

ahha, Before everyone came and it was just me, Seejay, and Cheyenne we were SOO hyper! xDDD Me and Seejay were shimi-ing! and we were shooting our imaginary guns! AHHA, x) and we were like mommy, daddy! I'm done CACA!! AHAH, cause once at the mall his little cousin said that when he was done using the facilities at the mall! xDD Seejay was making sound effects for Cheyenne and me! xDD And Beau came after his baseball!!, I took his slushie! <3>

I didn't end up getting home until around midnight, and like I wanted to stay laterr as well, but Cheyenne's mom came. :PP She freaking came right when Sammy and I were about to play CHUBBY BUNNY! xDD ahha, SAMMY FARTED! xD and he tried blaming it on me. xDD he farted like THREE times! xDDDD I found it pretty funny, actually. x] >.<

so yeah, Cheyenne's mom and sister was like "couldn't you have just walked home?!?" and I was "WHAT?!? NO WAYY! IT'S FREAKING MIDNIGHT, I'M NOT GETTING RAPED!" xDDDDD and me and Cheyenne were singing in the car. :DD

THENN I got home, to be alone. :P so then I went to bed, and Trinity woke me up, TWO hours before my phone does, and she told me some pretty surprising news.

and yeah, so that brought me where I am now, sitting at the computer being a little cold and a lot irritated. :P Cheyenne fell for the whole "if your hand is bigger than your face you have cancer thing!" xDDDD I hit her hard! xDD EVERYONE saw and started laughin soo hard! xDDD ahha. xDD

that's it. :D

Seejay fall down and make a boom, boom! xD

Beau likes me weeve. :D

WHY?!

So, why? that's my only question. *please note: this blog will contains ALL of my thoughts so please don't judge me, and if you have a question, ASK ME! that's all I ask.

So anyways as I was going to say, I have still yet to know why he did that I really don't get it at all. You have yet to give me a answer, I have no idea what I 'roller coaster' means. Well I do, but I don't see how our relationship had one. I guess you could say that I.. I just fell to hard for you, I followed my heart and that took me to the middle of the Sahara Desert. Lost and unable to find your way back home. I don't deserve this. Not again! D: you have completely destroyed me, and you don't even care. thanks! d: I hope you have a good life. cause if you aren't even going to talk to me now, for a reason I don't even know, then go ahead. It is your decision, not mine...

You were the one that I could tell anything to and you wouldn't care. You never cared about the changes I made to myself, as long as I was happy, you were too. Or so I thought. Was I wrong? When I was with you, I couldn't help but smile, I tried to take advantage of the time we shared together, but I always thought it would last longer then what it did. I loved coming out of school knowing that I could just cuddle up in your arms and you would never let go. It was the most amazing-est feeling in the world. I really hate it how, everything I have reminds me of you, my car, my bed, my mirror, my chalk-drawn garage. My writing journal, SPONGEBOB! I haven't been able to watch it since the day before you ended things. When Tatiana turned it on, i had to leave the room. She came over the day after you did it, why don't you ask her how I was doing, I was horrible, every time I turned around there would always be something to remind me of you! I was and still am really unhappy with everything.

I still think, that I can't really trust anyone. It's not even good. :/ Armani, is what I would call my best friend. I can always talk to him about anything, and he will always give me good advice. He is the one I've been talking to about this whole thing, cause I just can't talk to anyone else anymore, about this... D: It's good cause nothings awkward for me and him anymore, my feelings for him in that way are completely gone, and I'm more than happy to say that. He is ALWAYS there when I'm sad, and I could trust him.

Could I call myself happy?! I don't think I can. If you are considering me happy, prepare to be proven wrong. I'm still more upset than I could ever be. Why, you may ask? Well I have no idea why. He is effecting me so badly it makes me want to just leave and never come back. I lost my reason to live. Honestly, I have almost for life. :/

I have so many more things that I would like to say, but its not the world's business, its mine and whoever I choose to tell. :D

sorry for my sorrowful blogs, I don't mean to put you to sleep.

I don't like it when....

People lie to me, I know that I've had my share of lies but, I told the truth when it had to be done. I have no idea why but your lie is really agervating me.
but on a brighter note, these registration forms for high school are really confusing me. :p
for my chap one I got english one honors but for my vegas on I got english one. BUT all I care about is what secta gives me! :D<3
it's offical, I will CERTAINLY be attending there next year! <3
soo I think that "guy" is finnally going to leave me alone. :DDD so thats good, I told him my feelings WONT change, he had to know the truth.
soo I have come to realize how much I miss last year. When things were so simple and I had no worries. I miss going to school and not having anything bad to think about. I miss my family, I want things to go back they used to be. back when Jannellynn was my mom, Jem was my aunt, Seejay was my uncle, Beau, Monica, and Alexis were my cousins.
When I could go to every single one of these people with my problems and not have them judge me. There are very few, if any that I could do that with now a day's.
Soo on a brighter note, I got a new buddy for the algebra evacutation, :D Kevin is my new buddy, ahha.
Im going to try and get my size 6 gauges tomorrow, cause I need to beat him. :p but I don't know if my dad could take me.
soo a lot of things are on my mind lately, :p Jealousy is horrible thing, my dear and I really need to get over it. I totally forgot what I was going to say..... xDDDD
So that's really LAME! D: I'm learning about afica today, and this guy today, whom I don't know the name of them, talked really funny. xDDD Jannellynn and I couldn't stop laughing. Trinty borrowed my orange flannel today and it matched her bag! and I got Chris's jacket! It's SOO comfortable! <33
but yeah, my blogs aren't interesting. :p
I hate it how my sister could miss three day's of school in one week and not get in trouble, but If miss ONE day of school I get grounded for two weeks! D:
SHE'S EVEN MISSING WORK! D:<

Next time they'll be a lot more interesting to read, promise. I'll spill my mind. :D

LAME.

MY RED RING CRACKED! D: my freaking ipod fell on my hand and cracked it. :/ im sad now. I wear this ring everyday, and im going to continue to wear it until it breaks breaks. :D

soo im sure you probably wondering why I made a blogspot? welll I wanted to have a place to write, cause I always seem to want to share my feelings with everything, and my writing journal is too personal to share with the world. xP

I've noticed that I've had sudden interest in flowers! :D<333

soo yeah, hmm, I have a lot going on inside my little head of mine. I'm figuring out that I am a very jealous person, and that's BAD!! D:

I need to move on, but I just cant get myself to do it, but who cares?

so currently im texting Jannellynn, Andrew, and Kevin and I'm i.m.ing Danny. :D ohh and listening to Owl City! <3

Soo next year, I'll be attending SECTA!!! <333

I had a band performanve today, and like Angelo was there! :) ahha, Andrew's little brother! aha, me, Mark, and Beau waited for him afterwards to make him look cool to all his little friends! xDDD

Sitting in the same place for 3 hours can get very annoying and then having to go back at the end of the day, and do it again for another hour! D:

ahha, so this kid, (Im not going to say any names for this one) is really starting to get on my nerves. First he ruined my life, and now he STILL wont leave me alone! I was I was rude enough to just tell im to F off. xPP Every five seconds he asks me if my feelings have changed for him, and if I like him! i HATE it soo badly! And he is a big jerk, I don't know why I still talk to him! d:

soo yeah, uhh on a brighter note, Jannellynn. is going to be my date for the 8th grade dance!! :D

DOODE; freaking the end of the year is going by soo fast. :P

eight grade was an amazing year, I have many AMAZING MEMORIES. <3

soo yeah, i'll stop boring you now. :D