hmm.

What can I say? Middle school is over.

I'm moving on to bigger and better things in life.

Do I even deserve what I have? NO! I honestly don't think I do.

So I'll start making sense now. I basically cannot remember the last time I was actually happy. I think it was Alexis's birthday party. Everyday since then, something has gone wrong. I really wish there was something to look forward to in my life. I getting ready to live in a house full of strangers for a week, and let me tell you. That isn't the best feeling in the world. I'm scared out of my mind to continue on with life honestly. I lost. I've lost where I was going in life. What are my goals, are they even worth going for? Will I ever reach them? Should I just call it quits now? I spilled my heart to someone to just have them step all over it. I made a big mistake, and unfortunately I can't fix it. That promise will never be kept. I have ruined it. It seems that lately, I ruin everything. I have never been so confused in my entire life. I don't know if I should go this way or that way. I don't know anything anymore. I'm losing everything. I'm going to a school were I only know 4 people! I'm wondering if that's such a great idea with my situation right now. Maybe I should have just stayed with Vegas. I'm an idiot! Wtheck am I saying, I should be happy with my decision! Be freaking HAPPY Erica! goshh! Well tomorrow Beau is coming over, I'm packing, get in my Jammie's, and take a nap, wake up at like 3:30 am and change into comfortable clothes, leave at like 4:30 am, go to the airport and my flight leaves at 6:10. It'll give me and my sister to talk, sleep, and play games on my iPod. We then land in Chicago, IL. My aunt will then pick up me and my sister and BAM! I'll be there for a week. Please feel free to text me. I'm going to six flags, and my aunt Moe is holding this HUGE barbecue for me and my sister. I guess that I real grandpa, his wife, my grandma, and step grandpa, my aunt Moe, aunt Kathy, uncle Billy, uncle Kenny, and all of my cousins, and their girlfriends/boyfriends are going. My brother's family. My mom's uncle. Everyone except my aunt Lisa is going, but it's cause she is arguing with the rest of the family about things, I'm not sure. My mom hasn't told me much about it. But just about none of those people deserve the names that they are being given (aunt, uncle, grandpa, cousin) because I don't even know them. I know my grandma and two aunts. THAT'S IT! I'm more than scared to go there. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just me and my sister. I think it will be with most weirdest experience in my life. My mom says that me and my cousin Jason will get along well. She said it would be crazy with both of us living in the same house together (which we will be) so I guess it won't be that bad, right?

Things will never be the same. please don't be suprised if I don't talk to you for a while... I love you.

what is the reasons for things?

here I am, sitting on the porch. watching the waves crash, the dolphins come for air, and boats going out to see, lighting come and go.
honestly, it gets extremely boring.
I'm freezing my butt off, but I'll freeze my butt of inside too, so wtheck?!
I'm dying for adventure.
I want to try something new.
encounter something that will change my life forever.
I want to stop living in my past.
sitting her with my step grandma, listening to her tell me funny things never gets old though.
I cannot wait until, I get into SECTA, step into my first period class, ad make a new friend.
I want to make a future. I NEED to stop living in my past.
I've done things in my life, that I wish I never did. it's called a regret...and that's life everyone has them.
it doesn't matter if I want my teddy bear back.
that's moved on, it was my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid, and every night I think about that in inparticualar regret, and wish I hadn't done it.
but I still have my memories.
I miss that teddy bear, dearly.
but things move on, I know I've said the same things over and over again, but I'm just writing things down as they pop into my head.

now, I have nowhere to go but up, the only thing stopping myself is myself.
I need to work on that, I know.
I gas to learn to control my feelings, not to let them get the best of me.

when I think too much, I get sad and depressed
She. who cares, always calls to reasure me that everything will be okay. she stays and talks to me. makes me feel better.
she is what a true friend is. and a hero. I really don't know where i'd be without her....

but right now, I'm on 'vacation' and I have yet to have loads of fun,
I played with Dani, Becca, and the worms,
I've cut myself with a surfboard.
I don't even have Steve anymore! D: (old surfboard)
and I've been thinking way too much.
and I'll never see Tatiana again. :/
ohh, how I will miss her dearly,<33




tell me when this 'vacation' is over.