hmm.

What can I say? Middle school is over.

I'm moving on to bigger and better things in life.

Do I even deserve what I have? NO! I honestly don't think I do.

So I'll start making sense now. I basically cannot remember the last time I was actually happy. I think it was Alexis's birthday party. Everyday since then, something has gone wrong. I really wish there was something to look forward to in my life. I getting ready to live in a house full of strangers for a week, and let me tell you. That isn't the best feeling in the world. I'm scared out of my mind to continue on with life honestly. I lost. I've lost where I was going in life. What are my goals, are they even worth going for? Will I ever reach them? Should I just call it quits now? I spilled my heart to someone to just have them step all over it. I made a big mistake, and unfortunately I can't fix it. That promise will never be kept. I have ruined it. It seems that lately, I ruin everything. I have never been so confused in my entire life. I don't know if I should go this way or that way. I don't know anything anymore. I'm losing everything. I'm going to a school were I only know 4 people! I'm wondering if that's such a great idea with my situation right now. Maybe I should have just stayed with Vegas. I'm an idiot! Wtheck am I saying, I should be happy with my decision! Be freaking HAPPY Erica! goshh! Well tomorrow Beau is coming over, I'm packing, get in my Jammie's, and take a nap, wake up at like 3:30 am and change into comfortable clothes, leave at like 4:30 am, go to the airport and my flight leaves at 6:10. It'll give me and my sister to talk, sleep, and play games on my iPod. We then land in Chicago, IL. My aunt will then pick up me and my sister and BAM! I'll be there for a week. Please feel free to text me. I'm going to six flags, and my aunt Moe is holding this HUGE barbecue for me and my sister. I guess that I real grandpa, his wife, my grandma, and step grandpa, my aunt Moe, aunt Kathy, uncle Billy, uncle Kenny, and all of my cousins, and their girlfriends/boyfriends are going. My brother's family. My mom's uncle. Everyone except my aunt Lisa is going, but it's cause she is arguing with the rest of the family about things, I'm not sure. My mom hasn't told me much about it. But just about none of those people deserve the names that they are being given (aunt, uncle, grandpa, cousin) because I don't even know them. I know my grandma and two aunts. THAT'S IT! I'm more than scared to go there. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just me and my sister. I think it will be with most weirdest experience in my life. My mom says that me and my cousin Jason will get along well. She said it would be crazy with both of us living in the same house together (which we will be) so I guess it won't be that bad, right?

Things will never be the same. please don't be suprised if I don't talk to you for a while... I love you.

what is the reasons for things?

here I am, sitting on the porch. watching the waves crash, the dolphins come for air, and boats going out to see, lighting come and go.
honestly, it gets extremely boring.
I'm freezing my butt off, but I'll freeze my butt of inside too, so wtheck?!
I'm dying for adventure.
I want to try something new.
encounter something that will change my life forever.
I want to stop living in my past.
sitting her with my step grandma, listening to her tell me funny things never gets old though.
I cannot wait until, I get into SECTA, step into my first period class, ad make a new friend.
I want to make a future. I NEED to stop living in my past.
I've done things in my life, that I wish I never did. it's called a regret...and that's life everyone has them.
it doesn't matter if I want my teddy bear back.
that's moved on, it was my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid, and every night I think about that in inparticualar regret, and wish I hadn't done it.
but I still have my memories.
I miss that teddy bear, dearly.
but things move on, I know I've said the same things over and over again, but I'm just writing things down as they pop into my head.

now, I have nowhere to go but up, the only thing stopping myself is myself.
I need to work on that, I know.
I gas to learn to control my feelings, not to let them get the best of me.

when I think too much, I get sad and depressed
She. who cares, always calls to reasure me that everything will be okay. she stays and talks to me. makes me feel better.
she is what a true friend is. and a hero. I really don't know where i'd be without her....

but right now, I'm on 'vacation' and I have yet to have loads of fun,
I played with Dani, Becca, and the worms,
I've cut myself with a surfboard.
I don't even have Steve anymore! D: (old surfboard)
and I've been thinking way too much.
and I'll never see Tatiana again. :/
ohh, how I will miss her dearly,<33




tell me when this 'vacation' is over.

Gosh Erica, get a life!

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMFLFMLFMLFMFLFMLFMLFMLFML

I don't even know what is wrong with me.. I should be fine, HAPPY! but i'm not. im the complete opposite. I feel used, by him and him. :/

I never talk to either of them anymore.. ever since I introduced them to each other.

I love the way tears fall from my face as I write. D:

I'm being selfish?

I'm always going back to the same thing, like something will actually happen,

NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN !

I never see him, and when I do, he doens't even talk to me.

I'm just breaking myself down.

I HAVE to get him out of my head. I want to be brainwashed and have no memory of him in that way.

I honestly hate it when im like this, it doesn't work for me. Everyone that tries to help me just gets pushed away.

AND the worst part is, is that im starting to think I should have never done that in the first place.  I'd most likely be happy..

I wish there was someone I could spill my feelings too, but sadly. I can't.

well yeah, i'm not even in the mood for writing anymore...

IM DONE! 

Gosh,  I hate these depressing stories. :d

I can't wait.

OHH MY! is that old or what?!? haha! ----->

this was taken by my mother when I went back to Chicago for easter and for my grandpa's birthday.<3>.

HEY! that fits in with the title and it wasn't even intended to do so! haha, it was just old picture I found. xDD what a coincidence. :D

Now, as I was going to say in the first place.. I can't wait to get out of middle school. I honestly dislike it SO much. I want to start new, let other people into my life. I want to stop staring at the same old faces. I want something NEW! Don't get me wrong, I love the people I have befriended over the past 3 years, but lately I feel like I'm losing them. Things are different now. Everyone has someone else to hang with and talk to. I'm just complaining too much, right?!?

I can't wait for SECTA! :D The fees I have to pay for my junior and senior year are freaking so outrageous! But it is well worth it, I'd end up spending more than 20 thousand dollars than I already will be, so its wayy better! :D

So in algebra we have to make this song thing and its due on May 27? and like we have to take a song and turn it into algebra, like change the words. :D I'm gonna work with Jemmie, and Taime.<3 size="5">HA! xDDD hehe.

haha, I bore you.

happy?

Its odd. Not know what your purpose in life is. Don't you agree?

Lately I have been thinking so negatively.

why is that everything in my life has changed? I have 324545 billion questions to ask myself and I have no idea what they are.

Am I changing? Its amazing how things end up don't you think?

I feel as though I'm missing something. Like I left something undone. I want to go back and fix that. I have an idea of what it is, but I know that when I attempt to sort things out, it'll just make things worse. It's funny how that works.

No matter how badly I want to work things out, and be like how things used to be before any of this, it is nearly impossible...

So many questions are left unanswered and that's how they will remain...for now. I just want things to be like how they were 2 months ago. when we were still friends.

So, Mark Ryden. don't you just love his art work?^^ I find it so amazing. I can relate to everything he creates in some shape, way, or form. I'd marry his art work if I could.

So I have this "nicoteen' thing for school and like it shows you what its like to have an addiction, and apparently.. Im super addicted! I've had FIVE cigarettes today, and its only been active for two and half hours! HAHA.

Soo what else is going on in my life... besides chaos.

I'm still grounded, until the 3rd of June!

So, I've been listening to the same song over and over again. haha.

Ive lost 6 hours and 3 minutes from life and I've spent six dollars and sixty cents on smoking. haha.

Umm lets see, I gauged my ears so a size 4. I skipped sixes. haha. My mom hates them but I like them. Trinity wants them so she can do hers. So as soon as I get my plugs, I'll let her borrow my tappers. I'm not going bigger cause if I do, My mom would kill me. But I am getting more piercings. haha, I love them!

Im waiting for my dad to come and get me, so I can hopefully get a new phone cause mine is breaking. It only works when it wants to. I also just want a new phone cause I don't like mine anymore. I want a full keyboard. haha.

Its 12:45 and I'm still the only one awake in my house.

I'm done.

sorry for the inconvenience

unknown...

so this one is somong from my iPod. :] so there isnt going to be a picture. :P
so today is the first day all year that I actaully finished ALL of my homework! :DD Mark and Kevin will be so proud.
HAHA. watch Mark copy me tomorrow, in English. hehe. xD
so my mom is watching is whatchimg this really odd show on bears and like
they can get up to 12 ft. tall and like 1,500 lbs.! thats a whole lot! pretty disturbing.
so things at scho are starting to get to me. :p I hate it. I can't wait to get out of there next year, but at the same time, I'm a little scared. >:P
So umm, I have a D in algebra currently and I have just 7 weeks to get it up. Its going to be hard for me.
I wanna become a goldfish.



so umm, thats it, for now. :)
sorry for boring you.

life...

is an amazing thing. It really is. It can go from bad to good in a matter of hours. :D

so the picture to the left(?) of this a picture I found interesting in the 'sample pictures' folder in my dad's girlfriends laptop. :P haha.

soo, right now I just got a sudden urge to listen to "I write make sins not tragedies" by panic at the disco. xPP (I just turned it on)

Soo, I guess he wants me to write about how I'm an emotional wreck. The truth is, I'm not a emotional wreck. My life is completely fine, I haven't cried or anything in a while. Also, he really isn't worth my time of day to just go on and on about how mad I am about him. So I'll make it short. : Andrew, I'm done with you. :D

Soo did you know that I am a selfish, competitive, know-it-all, emotional girl? haha, I didn't. xDD

well I knew I was emotional, but not selfish or a know it all? come on! I am litterally the stupidest person alive, Ill admit it. :D

haha, jerk.

soo yeah, umm. I met my grandma, and my aunts this weekend! :D they are super cool. It's amazing how much I actually fit in with my family. They are all soo loopy and funny, haha, my aunt Moe has a million stories that could make you pee your pants! xDDDD

haha, my aunt Kathy spilt her soda all over me and the restaurant. xPP

that was funny and embarrassing. xD its a good thing I was wearing my blue pants or that would've SUCKED! haha. xDD
My grandma gave me a bracket that I have not taken off since I put it on. I love it. <3

so yeahh, uhh, my aunt Moe promised me and my sister that she is going to get me and her out there (Chicago) for summer! :DDDD

I'll be able to meet my whole entire family then! :DDD

Soo, lately I've been thinking a lot, I feel like I'm not satisfied with my life; I need something more. I want... adventure. I don't have enough of it. I want to try something new, something no one has ever done before. Something that will make me happy, happier then ever before. :P

Anyhow, today is the first time my brother has spent the night at his friends house. He called today and asked to stay the night at his friend Kyle's house and my parents said yes, so that's good news. xDD Although, Paris didn't take that very well. hah. He cried. so I'm going to spend time with him today, maybe play some video games? play tag in the backyard? Watch movies? Make him enjoy time without his brother. :DD

I'm going to stay here tonight probably. My family is done with conflict. We are a happy family again, like when we were younger. <33

it makes me happy. :D

I'm a boring person right? xP